Category Archives: Joke

If you had to shoot yourself in the foot with a programming language…

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Hello,

“Junk post” as they are sometimes called on Facebook, but here’s something on the lighter side. I don’t market myself as a coder or programmer, but to be useful in any way as an IT professional, one must learn to code at least a little bit. Here’s how one would shoot themselves in the foot, programmatically, with a programming language.

Some modern or scripting languages may not appear…

C: You simply shoot yourself in the foot. Easy…
C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, “That’s me, over there.”
FORTRAN (Yes. FORTRAN is still used in the 21st Century): You shoot yourself in each toe until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyway because you have no exception-handling capability.
COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue until the entire lower body is waterlogged.
Unix:

 

 

 

Hint: If you’re a *nix terminal aficionado, you can easily see the error in the command.
Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, and the trigger. And your foot.
Visual Basic: You’ll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you’ll have had so much fun doing it that you won’t care.

Pilfered from this page and edited for content.

Enjoy!

If Operating Systems Were Airlines

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A shorter version of an old favorite

MS-DOS Airlines (not that many of us use MS-DOS in the 21st Century)

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then they push again jump on again, and so on.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off.  After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are told you don’t need to know, don’t want to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.

Unix Airlines

Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.

Linux Airlines

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, “You had to do what with the seat?”

Original Source

Jason Watkins, 12/28/15